You're Not Alone
by ToriTC198
Summary: Now Erik stood alone, dirt caked all along his body as he let the shovel fall from numb fingers. Alone was how he had always been, and apparently how he was supposed to remain. TW: Major character Death


AN: This came about on Tumblr and I had to post it because I like tormenting my readers with pain. The only background knowledge you need is that Erik brought Charles a kitten (named Snickers) and somehow that turned into a proposal.

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Had it really been just a week ago that Erik had stood inside the mansion offering Charles a life together? It seemed like so much time had passed since then, first the haze of ecstatic joy that filled them both, the traded kisses and whispered words of love that had taken far too many years to say. The hurried plans made curled together in a bed that would forever be _theirs. _ The laughter as they chased together after the tiny orange kitten who was fond of stealing their socks and the warmth that had spread through him when he caught Charles instead of Snickers and they shared sloppy kisses tinged with smiles.

Those few days had been bliss. A joy Erik hadn't known could still exist in his life. Now, he knew for certain that such happiness was never meant for the likes of him. The attack had been swift and Charles' life had ended before Erik even had time to realize the government agents were in the house. He was pretty certain that he had killed every last one of the men who had attacked his home, but the fog of his agony made him unsure of anything except the memory of Charles' blank stare.

Now Erik stood alone, dirt caked all along his body as he let the shovel fall from numb fingers. Alone was how he had always been, and apparently how he was supposed to remain. Erik couldn't even feel the tears anymore, they had hardly stopped flowing from the moment he had gripped desperately at his fiancé's shoulders and tried to will life back into his unmoving body.

Carefully, reverently, Erik curled his arms around the man he loved one last time, lifting him with trembling legs and carrying him to the gaping hole in the ground. It was the most heart-wrenching sensation in the world to feel his lover in his arms but not be able to feel the warmth of his body or see the sun sparkling in his eyes as he laughed. No, there was nothing but emptiness in the corpse in his arms and Erik tightened his grasp on the man as he struggled not to collapse under the pain of it all.

He didn't drop Charles into the grave, instead he lowered himself into the ground so he could gently lay the body down. Erik pressed his lips against the cold temple of his lover and he quietly wiped away the tears that fell to rest against the pale skin beneath him.

For a few moments, Erik wondered if he would ever have the strength to stand back up again. Perhaps he would just wrap around Charles and die down here in the dirt. Looking at the peaceful expression on the dead man's features though, Erik couldn't bring himself to do that. Charles would never forgive him if he chose to die like that.

With a shuddering intake of breath, Erik pulled away from Charles, trailing his fingers one last time across the porcelain features that he knew so well. A cry built up in his throat but Erik didn't let it out, instead he just let it grow into a tightness that stole his breath away as he got to his feet again and hauled himself out of the grave. He lay there for a second, pressing his hands into the dirt and letting it ground him, remind him that he had to keep going. Then with all the willpower he had left Erik rose to grab the shovel from where it had fallen.

The blisters on his hands complained at the movement, not wanting to curl back around the wooden handle, but Erik ignored it. This was something he had to finish. Not with his powers, though he could easily have dug a grave with them, but with his own two hands. The same hands that had gently cradled Charles' face as they kissed each other senseless. Now those hands would bleed and burn until this task was done.

Erik paused there, looking down at the serene face he once thought he would have the joy of waking up to every morning. He couldn't believe how happy he had been just a few days ago. "This wasn't supposed to happen," he whispered, the words fading away into the empty air. "You weren't supposed to leave me like this. We were going to grow old together, Charl-" Erik felt the final snap of composure crumble inwards and he couldn't even manage to finish speaking his lover's name.

His hands clenched around the shovel, using it to support a body that wanted nothing more than to crawl back into the grave with the broken man already laying in it. A hysterical laugh bubbled out of his throat and he finally got the air back in his lungs to keep talking, "Do you know the worst part? It's the fact that I know you would be disappointed in me for killing them. You died, and all I could do was go against everything you would have wanted. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. In the end I was never the man you thought I was. I never deserved you but I wanted to spend my whole life trying."

His voice tapered off again as the emotion clogged his throat too much for sound to escape. His mind kept going though, and it stung to know that the telepath couldn't even hear his thoughts anymore. _It should have been me. The world needs me so much less than it needed you. You were always the better man and I would do anything to take your place._

There were no more words to be spoken, at least none that Erik felt could actually make it past the lump in his throat, so at long last he dug the spade into the pile of dirt. He hovered over the grave with it, tears falling from his eyes unceasingly as he looked at Charles for the last time. Then, with a sob that shook his entire frame, Erik tilted the shovel and let the dirt rain down around the cold body below. Something permanent broke inside Erik with that move. A part of him that Charles had brought to life, nurtured and cared for throughout the years of friendship and love, withered up and cracked off into darkness as the brown earth scattered across the form laying in the grave.

With each new shovel of dirt Erik quaked from the pounding agony in his chest and the slow progress that covered Charles from view chipped away at everything that Erik lived for. The body was nearly completely gone from sight by the time Erik realized he was sobbing out the mantra, "I love you, I love you, I love you," and the cruel wind carried each syllable away from him and off into a world that seemed empty and dull. Charles would never hear those words. Charles would never hear anything again.

Then with another shovel of dirt, the brown earth finally swallowed up the last of Charles and Erik shattered entirely. His body worked on autopilot, filling the grave up and smoothing down the harsh edges. He would plant flowers here one day, ones as blue as Charles' eyes. Charles was full of life and it seemed that life should always follow in the telepath's wake. Now though, there was only death.

Erik held himself together long enough to do one final task. He pushed aching fingers into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the small gold band inside. He hadn't bought it like he promised he would. Instead he had made it himself, crafting it lovingly whenever Charles was out of his sight. He hadn't had the chance to actually give it to him, so Erik knelt beside the grave and placed it on the freshly turned soil.

As his hand pulled away one final time, Erik fell to his side, curling in on himself as he let the sobs churn through his body with the vicious intensity that had been building since the second his love died. Beside him on the grave, the small gold ring glinted merrily in the autumn sun and only Erik knew that engraved along the inside were the words, "You're not alone."


End file.
